Before implementing any kind of Action Plan, I would like to make note of a few important points, gleaned from studying many materials by Dr. James Dobson
-
“Discipline” is not synonymous with “punishment.” Discipline sometimes involves a negative consequence, but such correction measures are only one aspect of discipline. Discipline comes from the word, “disciple,” and it literally means, “teach.” The first and foundational step in discipling our children is instruction. We cannot skip over instruction and go straight to applying a corrective consequence. The second step in discipling our children is training. Only after these first two steps have been thoroughly completed, should we engage in correction for a behavior.
-
Discipline with action, not with emotions. Using anger, expressing shame, or withholding love as a discipline measure may affect a change in outward behavior, but can have severely damaging effects on your child's heart, as well as the relationship between you and your child. Our goal is to change the child's heart, not just their behavior.
-
Be sure to distinguish whether a behavior is a result of childish immaturity, or true willful defiance. An obvious example is the difference between a child spilling milk versus throwing food. Moments of childish immaturity should be treated very gently. If you are not sure which it was, give your child the benefit of the doubt, and use it as an opportunity for instruction and training (see number 1!)
