Bless your children generously for their good behavior! Here are a few ways that this can be done:
Smile a lot! Be generous with your expressions of encouragement and appreciation of your children's good behavior. If your children have touched your heart by their sweetness, tell them! If your daughter has been helpful to you, tell her how much you appreciate her helpfulness. If your son has demonstrated kindness to his little sister, tell him how blessed his sister is to have him for a big brother. Tell them when they have done a “great job” and let them know, “I'm so glad that I can take you out shopping, and never have to worry that you will run off or misbehave.”
Encourage your children to express affection and appreciation to each other. Point out times that their siblings have been good to them, and say, “That was so nice of your sister to help you fix your hair! She loves you so much. I'd like you to go tell her thank you, and give her a big hug!”
Physical touch is encouraging too. I am constantly ruffling my children's hair, giving hugs and kisses, patting their shoulders, and giving “high fives!” The knowledge that you notice the good and appreciate it is a great motivation for your children to continue in it.
“Tangible” rewards are also good for training and encouraging good character. We do this largely through the use of what we call "the Treasure Card System." Each child has a little cup with his or her name on it, in which they keep "treasure cards" which we cut out and decorated ourselves. Three treasure cards are given to the children each day, and they can earn extra cards as a result of diligence in chores, excellence in work, and exceptional behavior. Cards can also be lost for misbehavior or irresponsibility.
Treasure Cards can be redeemed for tangible rewards or special privileges. We have a list of about rewards that they can choose from. A few examples are computer fun time, a special video, or a piece of candy. At the beginning of each week, the children cash in all their cards that haven't been used. Each card is worth 10 cents.
A warning about tangible rewards... Be careful that this is not over-done. Tangible rewards should not be used as bribes. I have heard of children who refuse to do any chores unless their parents pay them. I have seen other children in grocery stores who are behaving atrociously, and their frazzled mom offers to give them candy if they will stop. This type of behavior demands corrective disciplinary action, not a reward for grudgingly complying with a minimum standard.
